


In the Veil

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Loss, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-27 06:47:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16697443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: Dean's life ended but he refuses to leave the woman he loves





	In the Veil

It had been almost two years since Dean had died. Two year since he had refused to leave them, and the reaper had left him in the veil. For two years Dean watched her come here every day. He watched her talk to him, but he never made his appearance known, even if he suspected that she knew. Showing himself would only make it harder on her. She still grieved, but deep down Dean hoped she would move on. He wanted her to have a life and someone to love again, no matter how much it would pain him to watch.

The thing was, Dean couldn’t leave. The reaper had promised him time would feel like nothing and that she would join him before he knew anything had even passed. He trusted that. It wasn’t any different from what Cas had told him time in Heaven was like, but it wasn’t just her anymore.

Dean fought back his tears as he watched her kneel down infront of the cross Sam had placed over his ashes. She looked as beautiful as the day he had left her, but the fire in her eyes was gone. The love and tenderness was still there. He saw that every day when a sound from the stroller caught her attention. He saw that everytime she held their son.

Dean couldn’t remember a time he hadn’t been in complete awe of her. She was a complete badass. No matter how much he had felt the need to protect her, he always knew she didn’t need it. She could hold her own in a fight as well as his twice her size little brother. He’d always admired her fierceness. It didn’t matter if she was angry at him for some stupidly reckless than he had done or if she was plunging head first into the fight herself. Seeing that fire in her eyes had always admired.

He loved the side of her that few got to see too. She had been so soft and vulnerable she was when she was in his bed at night. Giving herself over to him completely. Little by a little opening up her heart, even if Dean knew she was terrified of getting it broken. He knew because he felt it too, but together they had overcome their fears. The years he had with her had been the happiest of his life. She was everything to him. Stupidly it had taken him dying to realize breathing without him had been as difficult and almost impossible to her as it would have been for him. Had it not been for the little life growing inside her, Dean wasn’t sure she would have even wanted to gather the strength to go on and build the life Dean had always wanted for her.

Today she lifted little Dean into her arms as she sat down on the ground gently rocking him, and Dean’s soul ached. He yearned for them. To touch them and be near them. For the longest of time, for as long as he could remember Dean hadn’t thought his life had any value. Now that he was gone, he saw how wrong he had been.

He always wanted this for her. There was a time when he was alive that he would have given his life in a heartbeat for her to have this. The normal apple pie life. A 9-5 job and a child in her arms, safe from monsters and no longer risking her life every day.

The monsters was still there of course, and Sam wasn’t out. He was still hunting and searching for a way to bring back his brother. Dean knew what Y/N had long since realized. He wasn’t coming back. Not this time. Not the one time he wanted nothing more than to return to her. He wanted to be there for his son.

When Y/N had told him he was going to be a father, Dean had been equal parts happy and terrified. Selfishly happy because she and this baby were the closest thing to normal he had ever had. She was his happily ever after, and their child would only add to that. Dean however feared he would screw it all up. That he would turn out to be just like his own father, and no matter how many times Y/N had ensured him he wasn’t John, those doubts had never left him up until he drew his last breath.

More than that he didn’t want his son to grow up to have his life. He wanted him to have a normal and happy childhood. All Dean had wanted for his son was a safe and boring life, where he didn’t have to fear monsters, demons and angels just because of the genes Dean had passed onto him.

He had been so wrong. Dean knew that as he watched her sit there with the 18 month old son he never got to hold or really met. For all the years he had spent hunting down the Supernatural, Dean had never realized ghosts could cry, but in the afterlife he learned as a tear slipped down his cheek. His blurry vision stayed fixated on her as he listened to her words.

“I know you always wanted this for me Dee. I’m out. I sometimes wonder if you can see me? If there’s windows in Heaven or something,” she chuckled emotionless. “Would you be proud of me? I’m doing fine. And little Dean is getting so big now. God I wish you’d gotten a chance to know each other.”

Y/N’s voice grew more pained as she spoke, and it took all Dean had in him to not appear before her. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and never let her go. He couldn’t. He didn’t belong with her anymore, and all he would do was hurt her. Not leaving with the reaper had been selfish, but at the time he couldn’t imagine not watching over her. Not seeing his son grow up.

“Dee you left behind more than you know. Your son is so much like you,” Y/N spoke as she watched the little boy sitting before her gently reach for the flowers on his father’s grave. “He’s brave and strong. So loving and kind…” For the first time since his funeral, her voice cracked completely, and tears started streaming down her face. “Come back to me please?”

Had Dean still had a beating heart it would have stopped in that moment. He thought she was doing better, but once again he couldn’t have been more wrong.

“I love you so much Dee. I don’t want normal… not without you, and if I have you I don’t care about normal. I’ll take whatever I can get. I just want you with me, and I want our son to have his daddy.” Tears streamed down her face, and Dean stood frozen to the ground, watching his son do what he should have been there to do. He watched him cup her face in his small hands before wrapping his arms around her neck, and Y/N clung to him, gently rocking him as she apologized for crying. She told him how much she loved him and how much his daddy loved him.

Tears were still silently streaming down her face as she gave the cross one last look before getting up with Dean safely tucked in her arms, leaving the burial site and Dean’s ghost behind. He watched her go, knowing she would be back every day for the rest of her life. He knew she would never truly move on, because he wouldn’t have been able too either. It wasn’t until that second that he realized once and for all that his life had mattered, and he wanted it back.

Dean closed his eyes, doing something he hadn’t done since his soul left his body. He wasn’t even sure if it was going to work or not, all he knew was he couldn’t give up. He had to find his way back to her. To his son.

“Cas… I don’t know if you can hear me, but I need your help man…”


End file.
